


Magic v. Science v. Alcohol

by Broseph, Meatball42



Series: AvAc Shenanigans [11]
Category: Avengers Academy (Video Game), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Magic and Science, Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 11:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13030233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broseph/pseuds/Broseph, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: So 'Doctor Strange' (and what was his PhD in, huh? And was it from MIT? Probably not!) thought he could make a better fake ID than Tony Stark, Actual Scientist? Thought he could corrupt Kamala, who Tony had totally called dibs on corrupting before Strange evengotto campus?Oh it wason.(Each story is standalone)





	Magic v. Science v. Alcohol

One of the rules of Tony’s parties was that anyone he didn’t really want there had to bring booze. It wasn’t that he couldn’t afford to supply the booze for himself, but there were a few students (Zemo, mainly) who would be offended by the requirement and not show up, which was the actual goal.

Then there were people who felt they had to contribute, like, because of being guests, which was stupid because it was the host’s job to make sure everything went well, but whatever. If Cap wanted to help clean things up a bit, or Patsy baked something, Tony would roll his eyes and let them.

And then there was Kamala. Always a bit shy, and then a bit enthusiastic, which was great, but Tony was never good at making people feel better, and she always looked so apologetic showing up empty-handed that it made things awkward.

Until the night she showed up with a bottle of vodka.

“Whoa, what are you doing with that?” Tony joked, appearing from behind her and snagging the bottle out of her hands. “I don’t think you’re old enough to drink this. I’ll have to keep it somewhere safe.”

Kamala glared. “You’re not legally allowed to drink either, Tony. And besides, I can handle myself.”

“A few sips of communion wine is a lot different from drinking at one of _my_ parties.”

“I don’t take Communion, Tony, I’m Muslim.” She stretched her arm out and snatched the bottle from where he was holding it above his head.

“...I knew that.” _Mental note: Muslims don’t drink communion wine? Is that actually a religious thing? I always thought people just needed to get buzzed to sit through Mass._

“Which means that I don’t drink, which I’ve told you several times,” Kamala said pointedly, breaking his train of thought.

A different concept popped into existence. “Wait, how did you even get that? Did you ask Barnes to buy it for you?” Tony narrowed his eyes, and it definitely wasn’t because sainted Bucky Barnes was a better big brother-figure than him, even all emo and whatever.

“I bought it myself. I got a fake ID from Stephen. You’re welcome, by the way,” she said, with the somewhat insulted air of a person who wasn’t used to Tony’s particular brand of Tony yet.

Tony was too busy having his _mind blown_ to bother with niceties. “ _Cap got you a fake?!_ ”

Kamala looked at him like he was crazy. “Of course not! Stephen _Strange_ , Tony. The magician? I think you have been spending too much time with your robots.”

“I- there’s no such thing as too much- how did Strange get you a fake? The guy can barely use a smartphone, and I gave him the Hulk version.”

“He says his magic interferes with it. The magic, which he uses to make fakes. They’re very good, lots of people use them.”

Tony stared at her in horror. She smiled, recognizing her superiority, and brushed by him. “I’ll see you later, Tony. Try not to hurt your brain.”

So 'Doctor Strange' (and what was his PhD in, huh? And was it from MIT? Probably not!) thought he could make a better fake ID than Tony Stark, Actual Scientist? Thought he could corrupt Kamala, who Tony had totally called dibs on corrupting before Strange even _got_ to campus?

Oh it was _on._

 

_One week later_

Pepper Potts at 3am was something Tony wouldn’t mind seeing, under normal circumstances. Pepper Potts striding angrily down the halls of the local police precinct at 3 in the morning, maybe.

Pepper Potts with pissed-off eyebrows bearing down on Tony while he was in a locked police cell with no way to escape? He would give up all his money in a heartbeat to get away.

Tony looked down and pretended to be adjusting the singed, soggy remains of his Cardboard Iron Man costume to avoid Pepper’s death-eyes. At his side, Strange managed to lift his head from the concrete bench and, upon seeing the Angel of Death nearly upon him, began mumbling a mantra under his breath. The dramatic effect was ruined by the pink paint splattered over his Sorcerer Supreme robes.

At their feet, Jack O’Lantern lolled, half-sitting upright but twisting his neck to look at Pepper upside-down. Tony would have been concerned for his spine if he hadn’t seen Jack lift and throw a full-size _cow_ earlier in the evening. Jack mumbled under his breath a creepy, death-march-paced version of _This is Halloween_ , which clashed with Strange’s mantra and made the whole cell sound like… well, a cell full of crazy people.

The whole area stunk of pumpkin wine.

Pepper came to a stop on the other side of iron bars. The tip of her shoe tapped against the concrete.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Tony burst, after holding out a whole four seconds. “I wanted to stay in New York but Jack said no one in the city was properly suspicious, which, _obviously_ -”

“Accurate,” Strange broke in, his normally cultured tones strangely twangy, “New Yorkers ignore everything.”

“No one’s friendly ‘round here,” Jack complained, before starting up his singing again.

Tony ignored them. They didn’t matter. Pepper mattered. “But we only made the one stop- okay, two stops, and no one even told me Jack had warrants out for him so how was I supposed to know-”

“They were keepin’ those pumpkins in cruel conditions!” Jack cried out. He tried to stand, wobbled, and went back down. His pumpkin-head-thing hit the ground with a thunk. “I was bringin’ them to _freedom!”_

“Not in any way my idea,” Tony finished. He spread his arms to showcase his point and fell off the bench.

Pepper looked less angry from this angle, Tony realized. Maybe it would be good to stay down here. Down here, she just looked tired.

“You deserve each other. I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

She walked away. Tony was a bit confused, but his head had landed on Strange’s weird floating cape and it was probably the comfiest pillow ever, so he gave up trying to think.

One thing mattered most, though: “My fake was definitely the best,” he mumbled, face mashed against cloud-soft velvet. “No one… looked… twice…”

The others were already snoring, so they didn’t answer. Tony called it a win. The cape’s collar patted him on the head as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
